You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
God I need to hump something, right now.
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