i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can't motorboat a personality
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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