I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
