I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
