don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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