Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize