I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
