I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
