You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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