Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
