I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
