I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
