I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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