Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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