i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
