i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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