Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
