She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
