captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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