Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
