I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
