I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize