i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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