i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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