are you still at the devil's house?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
