Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
