i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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