Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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