i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
