"it" just moved
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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