We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
