Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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