stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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