I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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