For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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