Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
