South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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