I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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