First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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