i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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