if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize