I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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