I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
