Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
