New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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