hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
