If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
