Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
