Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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