a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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