I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
zippers are such a cool invention
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
