...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
