Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just had sex bonerless
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
