How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
