Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
