let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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