I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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