It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i barfeds in our rink
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
