Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
