I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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