I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
