Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
