So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
