I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
