i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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