so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
