one might say we're banned from that church
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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