Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
