He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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