I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
