covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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