He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
