What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
