he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
