I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
