Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
