My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got inside last night via doggy door
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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