I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
