We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
