I want to stick my p in your. b.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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