Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
