he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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